I once wrote about how I could be a good stay at home mom. What a crock. I would be a terrible stay at home mom. Like, Class A, TERRIBLE. I’ve been home the past 11 days and at this point, I am fiending to go back to work. I knew going into this (wait for it) “vacation” that it realistically couldn’t be what I wanted it to be. A break. I wanted some time for me to read, write, create our annual photo book, watch bad television. While I manage to do these things at a basic level during my workweek, I was hoping for a little extra of the simple pleasures.
Oh the folly.
“Hey dummy,” the Universe said, “how ’bout THIS instead?” Developmental surge Part Deux, featuring Beefy this time (about a month ago we went through this with Juju, when she started really walking everywhere) which equals sleep issues extraordinaire. And during waking hours, teething. You know, for good measure. And rain, lots of rain, leaving us largely housebound. Not to mention, they’re 18 months old, it’s just a tough age to begin with. Needless to say, the past 11 days were not exactly rife with extra time for me to do Me Things. Yesterday Mr. Sagittarius manned the helm while I spent a solid 4 hours working on our 2012 photo book. I only got about halfway done because SO MANY PICTURES, HOW DO I CHOOSE?!?!? Aside from that little slice of time, I did have some help while my brother and sister-in-law were visiting for a few days. Adults outnumbering small children? A good thing. But their visit was all too short and by day nine I found myself in my pajamas for the 38th hour in a row, unshowered, waving around a mixing spoon, yelling at the kids.
No, that’s not true. No yelling or mixing spoons were involved, but my patience was paper-thin and I felt like within such a short period of time I totally lost my sense of Me. Where’s the coffee break in Stay At Home Mom Land anyway? Oh right, NON-EXISTENT. Stay At Home Mom Land must be the only place in the world that does NOT have a Starbucks on every corner. What I have discovered is that I need my work day. I need that time to recharge. I need that time to regroup. I need that time to use my brain (in a professional working environment way). I need that time to blog, read celebrity gossip, and play Draw Something (none of which falls under the category of using my brain, but all of which is important in other ways).
I would suck as a stay at home mom because I cannot be the mom my kids deserve when I am being a mom for so many hours in a row. That is simply the truth of it. When I wrote my recent post on balancing work, life, and motherhood, I don’t think I really understood that what makes my life balanced is precisely the crazy diversity of it. If I didn’t have all those balls in the air, I would be standing there holding my one ball: Motherhood. And I’d probably be standing there, holding that ball, in my pajamas, unshowered, yelling at the kids. That’s not the experience I want for me. That’s not the experience I want for them.
Thankfully, tomorrow is Wednesday. The end of my (wait for it) “vacation.” I have a huge project to tackle upon my return to work and I’m looking forward to it. Almost as much as I’m looking forward to coming home from work tomorrow afternoon and hearing those little voices squeak “Mommy!” (and then “Ball! Outside? UP! UP! UP!”) as I walk through the door. As contradictory as it may seem, nothing makes me a better mom more than having my many other roles to play. That, and possibly Starbucks.